if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
it glows. i had to have it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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