when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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