i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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