There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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