This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My balls are so social today.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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