you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
