so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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