I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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