highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize