Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
