super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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