Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
