I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
