he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We talked him into tasing himself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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