Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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