She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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