just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
