I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
