Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
did i just pee glitter
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
