fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have already put on my inside pants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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