Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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