Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
