as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
