I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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