im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
