a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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