1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He called his prostate his "boner button".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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