Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize