why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
