Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
