woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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