It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize