these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
