At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
