if i died would you start the facebook group?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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