Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
