Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
