I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize