Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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