dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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