sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
