I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
