ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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