You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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