I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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