My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
