I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
