Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Someone signed my nipple.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize