I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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