got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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