We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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