Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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