dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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