My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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