my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
