He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
