At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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