I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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