Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
