I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
