His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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