Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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