The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
