Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
