There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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