I cannot find my penis.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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