A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just want nice things and good sex
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
