I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
that may or may not have been my penis.
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