I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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