The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize