Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
