So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
