I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
