cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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