areolas are like halos for boobs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
