Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
