im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
