nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
