Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
