haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
