the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
