he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
try to milk me bitch
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