If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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