We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize